Nothing Else Matters
by Tarja Holopainen
Summary: Imagine you had an accident and your life changed within a second. ... Tuomas had to go through this change and even though it looked bad for him in the beginning, it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. (Nightwish fanfiction!)


The black haired woman was kneading her hands as the doctors brought the stretcher inside.

The man on it wasn't moving a finger, but his face was blurred and clenched in pain.

"How many fingers?" the doctor asked calmly and held up four fingers of his right hand, showing them right into the man's face. "How many fingers am I holding up to you?"

"I don't know," the man replied, his voice full of pain. "I - I can't see anything! I can't see you, sorry!"

They brought him right into the operating room and Tarja stared after him, tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay, Miss Turunen?" a calm voice asked and Tarja turned around.

"Y - yes. I'm all right, Doctor Nevalainen," Tarja answered with a shaking voice. "What does the man have?"

"He's a chemistry professor," the doctor replied and checked the patient's file. "He's twenty-seven ... ah here. He got hydrochloric acid in his eyes."

"Oh," Tarja whispered and sat down, massaging her temples. Not for the first time she asked herself why she had chosen this job.

"He's going to be okay," Dr Nevalainen tried to calm her down and walked away.

* * *

"Turunen!" the strict charge nurse Riita Okkoinen barked and Tarja quickly let go of her blankets she currently folded, running up to the elder woman.

"Yes, Miss?" she breathed as she came to stand.

"We have a new patient in room 137, he's all yours," the nurse said and looked at the young nurse over the edge of her glasses. "Have a look at him before you go home and don't disappoint me."

"I won't," Tarja promised and grabbed the files, only reading the name on it.

Tuomas Holopainen.

She knocked at the door and entered after he had given her a weak "Come in".

"Hello Mr Holopainen -" Tarja began as she entered and quickly froze when she saw the man.

It was the one who had gotten acid in his eyes - both his eyes were covered with bandages.

"How are you feeling?", Tarja asked unsure.

"I'm on painkillers," Tuomas answered. "Guess I'm feeling fine."

Tarja smiled weakly and came closer. "I'm Tarja," she introduced herself. "Your nurse. Ask for me if you need something, okay?"

"Got it," Tuomas said and offered her his hand. "I can't see you, but it's nice to meet you."

Tarja took his hand and they shook it. "Pleasure to meet you as well," she said, amazed by the easiness of this patient. She had already gotten used to inpatient and grumpy patients, but this one ...

"May I ask you how this happened?" Tarja asked a little shy as they let go of each other's hands.

"Of course you may," Tuomas said with a nod. "It's a pretty stupid story, you know. I'm new in college." He sighed. "I've just ended my studies and I wanted to experiment a little with the students. And one of the girls in my class had no idea what she was doing. She took water and let it almost crash inside the glass with the acid. I saw it and reacted within a second, I jumped to her and pushed her away, I think her collarbone is broken."

"Wait," Tarja said. "I get that the acid exploded - she added the water into the acid and not the other way round," she continued and Tuomas nodded. "But you saved her! The acid flew right into your face and she only has a broken collarbone!" Tarja said excitedly.

"What else should I have done?" Tuomas asked calmly.

'He's a hero,' Tarja thought.

"But - you know that you could stay blind, right?" she asked.

"Are you really a nurse?" Tuomas chuckled. "Because I think you should comfort me and tell me everything will be alright ..."

"I am a nurse," Tarja replied with red cheeks. "And I do know that you will be okay again."

"The doctors don't know yet," Tuomas answered. "They told me I have to get operated again."

"Oh," Tarja said a little helpless. "When?"

"In a week or so," Tuomas replied, still calmly.

Tarja secretly admired him for his calmness. "Well, then ask for me when you need me," she said and Tuomas nodded.

"All right, I'll ask for the young nurse with the sweet voice," he said with a smile and Tarja got deep red, somehow glad that he couldn't see her.

"Ask - ask for Tarja," she stuttered and Tuomas chuckled.

"Tarja with the sweet voice," he said with a mischievous grin and Tarja lightly shook her head.

'What a flirt,' she thought. 'He can't even see me!'

"Well, then," she said a little too loud. "Good night, Mr. Holopainen."

"Call me Tuomas."

Tarja's heart jumped a little. "Good night, Tuomas." she said with a smile.

"Good night, sweet Tarja." Tuomas replied with a chuckle and Tarja closed the door.

Her heart fluttered crazily.

'Sweet Tarja ... The young nurse with the sweet voice ... What a charmer.'

"Good night, Elena," Tarja said to one of her colleagues with a whistle before she left the hospital and stepped into the cold Finnish night.

* * *

In the morning she was in a strangely good mood. She whistled all the time, looking forward to the day. Was it possible that one single patient could make her look forward to work? Probably, because he was nice. Tarja's usual patients were never nice and that was why she usually hated work. But this patient, he was calm, he was funny ...

'And he flirts with me,' Tarja thought and tried to ignore the feeling that she liked it because he was handsome.

He had long, black hair, that hung down his back in soft waves. His face was gentle and his soft lips were surrounded by a short, dark beard.

And that was everything she had seen of him. His body had been covered by a blanket and his eyes had been covered by a bandage.

Tarja wondered which colour his eyes would have ... Would he look at her with a mischievous glance as he had grinned at her the day before?

Tarja entered the hospital and tried hard not to go directly to his room. First she checked all her other patients, had to wash an old lady, had to help an old man going to the toilet, and then, after helping a young mother nursing her newborn baby, she went to Tuomas' room with a beating heart.

She knocked again.

"If it's Tarja, come in. If not, stay outside!" Tuomas called from inside the room and Tarja opened the door.

"I hope for you that you're Tarja," Tuomas chuckled and Tarja smiled.

"It's me," she said gently.

"Hi," Tuomas answered. "Where have you been? It's already so late."

"It's only nine," Tarja said and sat down on the chair next to Tuomas' bed. "And I also have other patients, Mister."

"I know," Tuomas said with a soft smile and Tarja admired his beautiful lips as he did so. "And I had no idea how late it is, I can't see. You know." Suddenly he sounded a little helpless.

"They changed your bandages?" Tarja asked and Tuomas nodded. "And you couldn't see anything?"

"I could see blackness," Tuomas said bitterly. "Only black, all around me." He sighed. "The doctors told me that it looks bad for me ... They put some drops inside and waited but nothing happened. I guess I'll stay blind."

"I'm sorry," Tarja said and Tuomas shrugged.

"It's only sad because this world is beautiful. This way I don't care about looks, you know? I don't care about how someone or something looks, I only care about a human's character. And the voice." He smiled at Tarja, who had gotten red again. "But I already miss looking at the starlit sky at night. The snow-covered hills in winter. The evergreen meadows in spring and the blooming apple trees ... It's a wonderful world we have and I'll never see it again."

Tarja's mouth hung open. Was he a chemistry professor or a poet? Fact was - what he was saying sounded beautiful.

"Well," he suddenly sighed and brought Tarja back into reality. "This will be the only thing I'll miss."

"But not seeing anything at all is not that cool as well," Tarja said. "You will never see yourself again, your friends, your students, your family, y - your wife ...?"

Tuomas chuckled once again. "I'm not married and I also don't have a girlfriend, if you wanted to know this," he answered and Tarja's face went deep red. "And partly you're right - I'll never see my friends again. But I can hear them, and as long as they still like me the way I am, it's alright ... Sweet Tarja," he added with a chuckle.

"How can you say I'm sweet?" Tarja countered. "You don't even see me!"

"But your voice is sweet. I guess you're very young and young people are always sweet. How old are you?"

"None of your business," Tarja said a little angry.

"Twenty-one?" Tuomas guessed.

"In August ... Now I'm twenty," Tarja mumbled.

"Aw," Tuomas laughed. "You are even younger than I thought."

"That doesn't mean anything," Tarja said angrily and Tuomas leaned back.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean it like this. I will never call you 'sweet Tarja' again."

"Thank you."

"Is 'cute Tarja' okay?"

"You're unbelievable!" Tarja laughed and Tuomas chuckled lowly.

"Sorry for bothering you," he then sighed. "I'm only bored. My friends haven't been here yet and I don't know what to do. I'm a prisoner of my own destiny."

"I could switch on the TV for you," Tarja offered. "You won't see anything, but you'll hear everything."

"No, thank you," Tuomas declined with a sigh. "I wish I could read a book ..."

Tarja wanted to reply something, as her beeper made a noise.

"I have to go," Tarja excused herself.

"Will you come back?" Tuomas asked a little frightened.

"Of course!" Tarja said, almost shocked. "I'm your nurse, I can't simply stay away from you!"

Tuomas leaned back with a small, satisfied smile. "Good," he only said.

It went on like this for a week. Tarja would enter the room, Tuomas would flirt with her, Tarja would blush. But secretly she enjoyed it. She admired the fact that he had no idea how she looked like, but still seemed to be interested in her.

On the third day that Tuomas spent at the hospital, Tarja met his friends for the first time. The guys were called Tero, Sami and Emppu and were totally crazy. Tero had flirted with Tarja, and Tuomas hadn't seemed to like this. And after this week of calling her 'sweet Tarja' (or 'cute Tarja'), he suddenly asked her something that was probably bothering him.

"You remember Tero?" he asked while Tarja put down the tray of food on his lap carefully.

"Your friend Tero?" Tarja asked. "Sure I do. Attention ..."

Tuomas opened his mouth and Tarja inserted the spoon into his mouth. She was feeding him everyday, as soon as someone else tried to feed him, he didn't eat. He just kept his mouth shut like a stubborn child.

Tuomas chewed. "I have ... I have to ask you if you're interested in going out with him."

"Oh," Tarja said and inserted another spoon of food in his mouth. "I'm sorry but ... I'm - not really interested," Tarja apologized but to her surprise Tuomas smiled relieved.

"It's okay, I'll tell him carefully", he answered, his smile getting even broader.

Tarja could sense that he was relieved indeed, relieved that she didn't want to go out with his friend. Why? Because she was his nurse?

"Why?" she asked without wanting it.

"Why what?" Tuomas asked while chewing.

"Why are you smiling so satisfied?" Tarja asked shyly.

"Am I smiling?" Tuomas asked. "You know, I can't really feel myself. And even if I could, I always forget that you can see me."

"Are you on painkillers again?" Tarja asked and Tuomas nodded, suddenly frowning.

"They set the date for the operation," he said lowly.

"When?", Tarja asked.

"Tomorrow at four," he mumbled. "So this will be my last meal."

"Until tomorrow," Tarja corrected gently and as she wanted to give him another spoon, he suddenly took her hand and led her back to the tray. Tarja let go of the spoon, her eyes widened in surprise as he entwined their fingers.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"No need," Tarja whispered back. "But for what exactly?"

"For everything." Tuomas whispered back, not knowing what he caused in the inside of the young woman.

Her heart was beating so madly she could feel it in her throat, her stomach was doing somersaults, her mind was turning.

* * *

Her voice was the first thing he heard.

She hummed a soft melody while she made Tuomas' bed as good as she could with him lying on it.

"Trust I seek and I find in you ..." Tarja sung silently and Tuomas smiled lightly. It was beautiful to hear her sing ... Hear her voice in any case.

Tarja didn't see him smile, without looking at him she set his blanket and went on singing quietly.

"Everyday for us something new ... Open mind for a different view ... And nothing else -"

"Beautiful ..."

Tarja screeched as she jumped away from the bed, clenching her fist over her beating heart. "Tuomas!" she breathed. "You're awake!"

"I am", Tuomas said and tried to sit up. "I'm still a little done, though ..."

"Lay back down!" Tarja ordered immediately and Tuomas did.

"Yes, Miss," he said and Tarja giggled.

"We're not in school, Tuomas," she said and Tuomas smiled, while Tarja sat down on the bed, right next to him. She observed his face, the bandages over his eyes. She still wondered which colour his eyes would have ...

She came a little closer, observing his skin. He didn't have very healthy skin, it looked as if he used to have acne (Tarja as a nurse knew how that looked), but she couldn't care less. And he smelled so good ... Tarja wondered who was washing him, since he couldn't do this for himself ...

"You have a beautiful voice, Tarja," Tuomas suddenly said and Tarja blushed as she quickly pulled her face away. "When you talk and when you sing," he went on.

"I don't think so, but thanks," Tarja answered. "How are you?"

"A little dizzy," Tuomas sighed. "And I can't wait to find out if the operation succeeded ..."

"I'm sure it did," Tarja said calmly and patted the elder man's shoulder. "Dr Nevalainen is an amazing doctor."

Tuomas suddenly smirked at her. "You have a crush on him!"

"What?" Tarja called, her face deep red. "No!"

"I've known you for a week now, and your voice never dropped like that before," Tuomas chuckled. "Besides that, I'm a teacher. I know when someone lies."

Tarja groaned. "I used to have a little crush on him some months ago, when I started working here. But he's married anyway. I've met his wife Satu, she's amazing."

"Aw," Tuomas said with a smile. "You're so young and innocent."

"Stop saying that," Tarja muttered, her cheeks still deep red. "I'm an adult."

"Sorry, sweet, adult Tarja," Tuomas chuckled and Tarja rolled her eyes. He was such a flirt. He only called her sweet or cute Tarja and one time he did, Elena had heard it.

"Hey, cute Tarja," she said that very moment as she looked inside the room. "We need you in the next room."

"Coming," Tarja called and ignored Tuomas' laugh.

"The others call you cute Tarja as well?" he asked and Tarja sighed.

"Thanks to you," she said a little annoyed, but then she laughed. "I don't like it, but I don't show it. I know they will only go on if I tell them."

Tuomas smiled at her, but frowned as he felt that the weight next to him was suddenly gone and he was alone on the bed. "Will you come back?" he asked and sounded frightened, such as he did every time she left.

And Tarja smiled, as every time he asked her that. "I will as soon as possible," she answered and Tuomas smiled again.

As Tarja closed the door, Elena was already waiting for her.

"What do you like more, cute Tarja or sweet Tarja?" she asked and Tarja rolled her eyes, while Elena laughed.

"He's so handsome," she then said with a wink. "If I was you, I'd make him fall for me."

"Who knows?" Tarja said with a grin, her heart fluttering madly.

* * *

"Dr Nevalainen!" Tarja called as she caught the doctor in front of Tuomas' door. "Is Tuomas alright?"

"He is just fine, Miss Turunen. I only wanted to take off his bandages," the doctor informed the nurse.

"May I come with you?" Tarja asked. "He's my patient and I want to learn something, after all." 'And I want to see his eyes ...'

"Of course, come with me, Miss Turunen," the calm doctor said and Tarja followed him inside.

"Is it Tarja?" Tuomas immediately asked as the door went open.

"It's me," Tarja answered with a beating heart and Tuomas smiled at her.

"Thank god. Come here, sweet Tarja, sit down next to me. I missed you."

"First I'll have a check on your eyes," Dr Nevalainen said and Tuomas winced.

"I didn't know you were here, doctor," he mumbled and the doctor chuckled. "I hate this. Not able to see who's there," Tuomas sighed and the doctor bent over the man.

"I'm going to take off your bandages now," he said calmly. "After I've done this, I'll put the drops inside. During this time you should already know if you can see again or not. Please tell me immediately."

"All right", Tuomas mumbled. "Where's Tarja?"

"I'm here," Tarja said and stepped closer. "Right next to you ..."

"Good." Tuomas said, suddenly sounding calm.

Dr. Nevalainen looked from the patient to the nurse and noticed with how much care she looked at him ... And of course that he seeked for her closeness.

He lifted his eyebrow as Tarja laid down her hand on his shoulder and Tuomas smiled gently.

"I'm here," she repeated quietly and the patient nodded satisfied.

'Wow,' the doctor thought, suddenly feeling like an intruder. "I'm going to take off you bandages now," he then said and reached forward, taking the edges of the bandages with his fingers.

He carefully peeled them off, Tuomas' face clenched in pain. But finally the bandages were gone and Tarja's heart was beating.

He still had his eyes closed but he looked beautiful. He had long, black lashes, and this way he looked as if he was sleeping. He was so beautiful ...

"You can open your eyes," Dr Nevalainen said and Tarja leaned forward as he opened them slowly.

Tarja had to hold her breath as she saw them, as she stared right into the most beautiful blue eyes, she had ever seen.

He was so beautiful.

Tarja looked at him in awe, but her mouth went open when she noticed the tears that had appeared in his eyes and were now dripping down his cheeks.

"Do you ..." Tarja started and Tuomas shook his head.

"Nothing," he said hoarsely. "I see nothing."

* * *

Tuomas' hope was gone.

While Dr Nevalainen had told Tarja to put the drops inside everyday, Tuomas claimed that it was unnecessary to try on.

But Tarja wouldn't listen, she just wouldn't give up. Every morning she was the first to enter his room and add the drops into his eyes.

Tuomas had gotten used to Tarja, and after a while he didn't mind about the drops anymore - all he waited for every morning was her gentle hand on his cheek while she put the drops inside.

Tarja noticed it too, the light connection between them two, and she noticed that he more than enjoyed her company.

Tarja had a night shift every Friday and spent those shifts as much as possible with him. After a few weeks she brought one of her favourite books in her night shift and started reading it to him.

"You have such a beautiful voice," Tuomas had said after a while and Tarja had blushed. "Sing for me, please."

"No, what if someone hears me?" Tarja had muttered, her face redder than a tomato and somehow she was glad that he couldn't see her.

"Then we'll have to meet after my discharge," Tuomas decided and Tarja suddenly had problems to breathe.

"Okay," she whispered, her heart fluttering madly.

And Tuomas took her hand, smiling at her gently. Tarja smiled back, even though he couldn't see her. Her heart was racing, and so was Tuomas'.

None of then was saying anything for a while, until Tarja's beeper announced that she was needed elsewhere. She promised him to come back, but after two hours, when she wasn't needed anymore, he was already asleep. Tarja smiled about his cuteness and closed the door quietly.

Without wanting it, she had fallen in love.

* * *

Tuomas knew he had fallen in love with his young nurse when she came to hold his hand the next day. After putting in the drops, she held his hand and never let go of it. She read a little from her book again, but then she admitted that she would go home.

"I always have Sundays off," she said. "Will you survive another day without me?"

"Last Sundays, let me think," Tuomas said with a chuckle. "Yep, that was bearable." A lie. He had always missed her madly. Sure, his mother visited every Sunday ... "My mother will probably visit me again so I won't be alone."

Kirsti Holopainen and Tuomas' friends visited the injured regularly, whereas Tarja tried to avoid Tero, who still seemed to be interested in Tarja.

"Do you even know how she looks like?" Tero had asked Tuomas one day, after Tuomas had called her cute again.

"I don't," Tuomas answered. "And I don't care. You know there are much more important things in life than how someone looks, such as what your character is. Tarja is one hell of a nice person, so why should I care if she was ugly?"

"Because she isn't," Tero had answered. "Not at all."

Tuomas shrugged. He liked hearing that Tarja wasn't ugly, but fact was - he really didn't care.

Kirsti visited her son again this Sunday. Tuomas was listening to music (his mother had brought his mp3 player last time she had been there), so Kirsti had to pull his headphones out of his ears.

"Hey," she said gently. "How are you?"

"As always," Tuomas muttered. "Dr Nevalainen said I'll be released soon. I will have to learn Braille. And maybe I'll also get a guide dog!"

Kirsti laughed, she knew how crazy Tuomas was with dogs. "Yes, you'd like that."

"Very," Tuomas said and added, "and Tarja will also help me, I'm sure."

"Tarja?" Kirsti asked in surprise and grinned as her son's face turned into a light shade of pink. "Your girlfriend?"

"Eh ... No, not really," Tuomas said and coughed. "My - uh, my nurse."

"Your nurse? Why haven't I seen her before?" Kirsti asked, wondering how this nurse looked like, or better, why Tuomas seemed to be so fond of her without knowing what she looked like.

"She never works on Sundays," Tuomas said and Kirsti immediately decided to come back during the week.

They smalltalked a little and after Kirsti had left the room, she looked for his doctor. And Dr Nevalainen told Kirsti what she hadn't wanted to hear - Tuomas would probably stay blind but they wouldn't give up hope anyway.

* * *

The soft hand on his cheek signalised Tuomas that she was back. Soon he felt the cold liquid in his eyes and smiled at her.

"Had a nice Sunday?"

"Not really," Tarja answered.

"Why?" Tuomas asked gently and tried to hold back a happy sigh as her fingers caressed his cheek.

"I was bored," Tarja answered quietly, hoping that he'd get that she had missed him.

And Tuomas did. "No one around to call you cute Tarja?"

"No one around to do that," Tarja said gently, her heart beating crazily.

Tuomas smiled. He only knew her for a few weeks now but it seemed as if he had known her for a lifetime.

"Tarja," he started carefully. "I won't get my sight back."

"I know," Tarja answered and squeezed his hand. "Don't worry, I'll stay with you. I thought about it yesterday and I can stay your personal nurse."

"That's what I wanted to hear," Tuomas answered.

A few more days passed and Kirsti returned on Friday. Tarja had just arrived at the hospital, ready for her night shift, as she bumped into the blonde woman in front of Tuomas' room.

Kirsti eyed the nurse, her small and slim figure, her young face, her dark hair that was hanging down in one braided plait. "Can I help you?" she asked politely and Kirsti smiled.

"I'm looking for nurse Tarja," she answered and the small woman smiled back at her.

"How can I help you?" she asked and Kirsti laughed.

"I'm Kirsti Holopainen, Tuomas' mother. Tuo is looking for you," she said and watched the girl's cheeks blush in amusement. The women shook hands and then entered the hospital room.

"Found your cute nurse," Kirsti announced and watched a broad smile appear on her son's face.

"Come here, please," Tuomas said and held his hand out. "Come here, Tarja."

Tarja sat down next to him and took his hand, laying it down on his thigh and squeezing it. Then she leant close and studied his eyes, so close that Tuomas could smell her.

It made him go crazy.

"They still look milky," she said, her breath caressing Tuomas' lips. She smelled like peppermint ... "Did Dr Nevalainen already put the drops inside?"

"He did but he told me he wasn't quite hopeful," Tuomas sighed and Tarja traced his eyebrow with her finger without quite noticing.

"I'm hopeful," she answered softly and lay her hand on his cheek.

"Tarja," Tuomas whispered. "Where's my mum?"

Tarja turned around, shocked that she had completely forgotten that they weren't alone in this room.

But they were.

Kirsti had obviously left.

"She's gone," Tarja mumbled, but pulled back anyway. His face enchanted her too much, she was embarrassed that she had let herself go like that. "I'll go look for her."

Without another word, Tarja stood up and walked outside, her heart racing fast. She had been so close to him ...

Kirsti was waiting outside, grinning at the young girl. "Are you done?"

"Yes," Tarja said. "Sorry."

"No problem," Kirsti chuckled, now knowing that the young girl felt the same for her son as the other way round. "I've heard you will stay Tuomas' nurse?"

"Has he told you that?" Tarja asked and when Kirsti nodded, Tarja had to smile broadly. "Oh god, he really meant that ... I thought he'd make a joke."

"He mostly means it when he says such things," Kirsti explained and Tarja smiled at the taller woman.

"Great ... Well, if he still needs me in two weeks, I'd love to be his personal nurse. But let's wait for the next two weeks, until he may leave. Two weeks is a long time, maybe he'll get his eyesight back until then. I still hope for that."

Kirsti grinned again, the young Finn had blushed so madly, her whole face was glowing red.

While the small nurse walked to another patient's room, Kirsti returned to her son's hospital room, grinning madly. "Now I know this secret nurse of yours. She's gorgeous, Tuo."

Tuomas groaned. "I just knew you only came because of her today."

"Of course I did and believe me, it was fun watching you two. You're dancing around each other, Tuo - just kiss her."

"I can't," Tuomas muttered. "There's so much I need to think about, first ..."

* * *

Tarja could slap herself. She could tell that his mother had noticed, she so had noticed her crush on Tuomas.

'Crush!' she scolded herself. 'That is certainly not a crush. You've fallen for him so madly.'

Tarja was currently washing a bedridden old lady and cursing her work on the highest level, but truth be told, those were the best times to think of things like that. She had already admitted to herself that she was in love with the blind patient, but there was a chance that he didn't even feel a small thing for her. After all he couldn't even see her! Sure, he was different, but after all he was a man, and which man ever fell in love without seeing a person? Tarja was sure that he wouldn't like her looks, she was small, thin, had barely curves ... And he was quite an adult and tall, no, he needed a real woman.

A little depressed, Tarja walked back to Tuomas' hospital room.

"It's me," she said and a smile spread over Tuomas' face.

"Hi," he said gently. "Great to see you." He let out a dry laugh and Tarja sat down on the edge of the bed again.

"Wanna take a little walk?" she asked and Tuomas immediately nodded.

"Great idea," he said. "I can't stand to see this room anymore."

"Good sign that you're making jokes about your sight," Tarja laughed and Tuomas took her hand.

"From now on my life will be funnier," he chuckled. "I have more, wanna hear?"

"Later, maybe," Tarja said. "We have to hurry. Now let's get you dressed."

Tuomas swallowed, but Tarja had meant it. Without hesitating, she pulled the hospital gown off him, and after some admiring glances she gave him (she cursed herself, after all she was a nurse and he was her patient, she was a professional! She saw naked bodies everyday!), she pulled a shirt and pants out of his closet. She dressed him quickly, and Tuomas just stood still and tried to ignore the feeling of her soft fingers on his skin. Tried to fight the growing erection and luckily succeeded.

Tarja helped him into his shoes and then she led him towards the wheel chair, placing him into it gently. Tuomas was speechless, she was stronger than he had expected.

She pushed the wheel chair towards the exit without much effort, pushed him into the hospital garden without complaining for a single time.

And after they had reached the garden, Tarja put her arm around Tuomas' waist and pulled him up with such an astounding strength, Tuomas could feel her muscles trough his shirt.

For the first time in weeks he wondered about how she looked.

He felt her arm entwine with his, and then they slowly walked through the garden. They walked for a while, Tuomas had no idea for how long. It could have been ten minutes or half an hour. He had no ability to feel the time anymore and truth be told, he didn't care. He was bound to a hospital bed, why would he care?

His heart started racing when Tarja took his hand and gently said, "Let's sit down there ... Careful ..."

She helped him sitting down and then they listened to the chirping of birds. Tarja had her eyes closed and let the sun shine on her milky skin, thinking of how wonderful it would be if she simply could pull Tuomas down and kiss him ...

Her thoughts got lost when she felt him playing with her hair. She still had it in a braid, but it seemed as if Tuomas wanted to open it ...

"What are you doing?" Tarja asked but Tuomas had removed the rubber band from her hair already and was now busy with disentangling her hair.

"What colour does your hair have?" he asked gently and Tarja smiled.

"Black," she said softly.

"Wow," Tuomas breathed. "Why did I think you were blonde?"

"Because it's my natural hair colour?" Tarja giggled. "I've been dyeing it black since I was fourteen. I can't stand blondies."

Tuomas laughed and continued caressing her hair for a while. Tarja had her eyes closed again, but suddenly she could feel his gentle fingers on her face. He was tracing her sharp cheekbones, smiling at her admiringly. "You have ... an interesting face," he said. "So strong and angular."

"That's not really a compliment," Tarja said with a laugh and then his fingers had reached her lips.

"Beautiful lips ..." he mumbled and Tarja closed her eyes anew. Would he kiss her now? His fingers were caressing her lips, he just had to lean down a little and he would feel them against his ...

Tarja came a little closer to him, but instead of locking their lips, he pushed her hair behind her ears and whispered,

"I wish I could see you."

Those words broke Tarja's heart. "Oh, Tuomas," she mumbled and hugged him. "You will, I promise. You will."

They walked back a few minutes later.

Tarja promised Tuomas to return for some reading after changing his clothes again and Tuomas nodded thankfully.

She went to the task board to look on whom she had to check next. And froze. There was a little note from the charge nurse Okkoinen pinning on the board and it said,

Tarja - please wash patient 137 at half past six, I had to go earlier. Thank you! - Riita

137.

Tarja knew too well who was in room 137.

"Elena?!" she called panicking and the elder nurse approached her.

"What is it, Tarja?"

"Does Riita wash Tuom- Mr Holopainen normally?"

"Yes, why?" Elena asked and looked down on the little note.

"Ooooooo!" she said and started jumping. "If you don't want to wash him, let me do it."

Tarja had blushed madly. "I - I ..."

The blonde nurse stopped jumping. "You're in love with him," she whispered, not asking but stating.

"Oh, Elli, he's just so - he's so handsome and nice and I think he likes me too ... Yes I am." She lowered her head with a sigh and Elena nudged her.

"Go and wash him," she said with a wink. "Pretend you're Riita and act like her. Think of it - she's cold, quiet and rough."

* * *

"Good evening, Mrs Okkoinen," Tuomas said as Tarja stepped inside. Tarja's heart started fluttering, gosh, he was too cute. She didn't reply and pulled him out of the bed. "Nice, as always," Tuomas muttered and Tarja giggled.

Tuomas stared at her, well, as good as he could do with his milky eyes. "T - TARJA?!"

"Surprise, surprise," Tarja said and pulled him towards the bathroom. "Riita asked me to wash you today."

"Tarja, I'm not very comfortable with that," Tuomas mumbled while Tarja pushed him on the edge of the bathtub gently.

"Why, Tuomas, it's my job," Tarja replied and for the second time today he undressed him - this time completely. She walked to the door and locked it, knowing that this wasn't necessary. And so did Tuomas, besides that, Riita never locked the door.

His mouth went dry. What was she up to?

Tarja switched on the water and waited until it was warm enough, then she looked at Tuomas, who was still sitting on the edge of the tub and waiting patiently, a towel covering his genitals.

Tarja bit her lower lip and while she watched the water fill the tub, she slipped out of her shoes ... And out of her pants ...

She was completely naked soon. The cool air was hardening her nipples and she wished that Tuomas could see her now. "Come," she said hoarsely and took his hand. "Get in the tub."

Tuomas was deeply red. "Could you look away?"

"No, I can't," Tarja chuckled. "What if you slip?"

Tuomas closed his eyes, which was unnecessary, he knew that - but it really helped him calming down.

He pulled the towel away and Tarja looked away for a moment. She had never seen the naked body of a person she loved before. She had seen many naked men before, but she was a nurse, she had learned not to care. But this was different. Suddenly she played with the thought of getting dressed again, but shook it off. It was fun, somehow ...

She helped Tuomas getting inside the tub and then sat down on the edge, parting her legs and after Tuomas had leant back, she took a sponge and started applying the shower gel on his back.

She wondered if Tuomas could smell her erection ...

None of them said a word, until Tarja asked him to turn around.

"It's still uncomfortable," he said but turned around anyway and Tarja started washing his chest - well, she rather just touched him than wash him.

"Why?" Tarja asked gently and Tuomas blushed.

"Well, I'm naked ..."

"So am I," Tarja whispered and pulled back her hands, giggling at Tuomas' shocked face. She let herself glide into the warm water, he heard the splashes as she got in and believed her.

"Well, now it's only unfair that I can't see you," he joked, but his voice was trembling.

Tarja smiled. "That's true, I can see you and you can't see me ... But you now know how my face looks after touching it today."

Tuomas didn't answer. Was she suggesting that he should ...?

His quiet question got answered as she let out an almost inaudible "Touch me."

He nodded and she got closer, putting her hands on his shoulders.

Tuomas prayed not to get hard, but she was too close to him. He could feel her breath somewhere close to his ear.

He pulled his arms out of the water and put them on her waist.

She was thin, very thin. He slowly trailed his hands up, caressing her back, feeling her shoulder blades, shoulders, her upper arms.

"Don't be shy," Tarja whispered. She enjoyed watching him while he was touching her and even more she enjoyed the fact that he was obviously erected by her.

Tuomas swallowed and gently cupped her breasts.

Her nipples were still hard and got even harder when Tuomas started playing with them. She moaned and suddenly had the urge to reach down and touch herself, but Tuomas was faster. He pulled her down and took her left nipple into his mouth and while he licked and nibbled on it, he reached down and parted her legs.

Tarja helped him, her erection almost killing her. Her genitals were throbbing with need, she gasped when his hand brushed over her entry.

"Tuomas ..." she whispered, and Tuomas sucked her nipple harder while he dipped a finger inside her. Tarja moaned quietly and leaned her chin on his head while he moved her pelvis back and forth, causing his thumb to brush her clit. "Tuomas ..." she breathed and Tuomas pulled his lips from her nipple.

"Yes?" he asked quietly, his thumb still stroking over her swollen bundle of nerves. He was looking up into her face, wishing he could see it.

But it didn't matter anymore as she crashed her lips on his.

Tuomas moaned into her mouth and put his hands back on her waist again, pulling her upon him.

Their naked bodies collided and Tarja slung her arms around his head, grabbed his hair and opened her mouth.

She was a passionate kisser.

Tuomas couldn't quite believe that it was happening, but here they were, their tongues dancing, their naked bodies touching, his erection somewhere close to her belly.

'Tuo - just kiss her,' his mother had said. Now he knew that he had been stupid not to kiss her earlier.

Tarja pulled away after a wonderful felt eternity. She was panting and her heart was beating madly as she looked at Tuomas' happy face. "Are you okay?" she whispered gently and Tuomas nodded.

"Tarja, I'm ..." He almost told her that he was in love with her, but Tarja interrupted him.

"I know," she mumbled. "I can feel it against my stomach."

"Sorry," Tuomas said and Tarja giggled.

"Nothing to be sorry for ... Do you really find me that sexy?"

Tuomas nodded, caressing her waist and hips.

"But ... You don't even see me ... You have no idea how I look like."

"I know that you're sweet, caring, loving and have a great sense of humour," Tuomas said and caressed her cheek. As they were talking like that, his erection slowly got back. "You have a beautiful voice, a wonderful laugh and a big heart. I couldn't care less about your looks."

"But what if I'm ugly?" Tarja mumbled. She had gotten bullied in school, she had some doubts concerning her looks which never seemed to go away.

"You can't be ugly, Tarja," Tuomas said. "You have such a beautiful inside. And even if you were, I don't care. I didn't fall in love with you because of your looks, though I can't deny that I want to see you."

Tarja pecked his lips gently. "I fell in love with you exactly because of that reason," she said. "You don't care about the way I look, I've always wanted a man who loves me for what I am inside."

Tuomas squeezed her hands. "Now you found him."

They kissed again, slow and tender. And then Tarja rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

He caressed her back and Tarja sighed. "Thanks for not forcing me," she mumbled and kissed his shoulder.

"Force you?" Tuomas asked confused.

"You already were ..." Tarja swallowed and blushed. 'He can't see me, I can just say it.' "Hard. You know ... I've never had sex before."

"You haven't?" Tuomas asked. "Well, it can't be because you're ugly, 'cause you aren't."

"Stop," Tarja mumbled. "No, I haven't found a man like you before, so ..."

Tuomas grinned satisfied.

"I love hearing that from you," he said. "I will never ever force you, my Love, not as long as you aren't ready for me. Believe me, not only you've been looking for someone like me ... I'm so happy to have you."

Tarja kissed him again, not quite sure if she was dreaming - could a man really be that perfect and romantic? She pushed the thoughts and doubts away as their tongues melted together once again and his hands were moving over her back gently.

* * *

"Tarja?"

Tarja looked up from her book, looking right into Elena's amused face.

"What's up?"

"How was it?"

"How was what?" Tarja asked and Elena grinned more.

"Washing Mr Sexy."

"Mr Sexy? Oh, Elena," Tarja said with a fake tsk-tsk. "Yeah, I admit he's quite handsome but -"

"Why do you have wet hair?"

Tarja looked at Elena. "Pardon?"

Elena grabbed Tarja's hair. "It's wet! Tarja, did you -?!"

"I went into the tub with him, yes," Tarja said and shut the book. "This way it was easier to wash him."

Elena's mouth hang open. "Did you ... Did you ...?"

"We didn't do anything, calm down," Tarja lied. "He knew I was inside the tub and he didn't even try to do something. Oh, Elli, he's just the gentleman ..."

"Wow," Elena said and then sat down to braid Tarja's hair again. While her fingers were moving through her hair, she told the younger nurse, "Today I went inside to bring him some food and he told me if I wasn't Tarja, I could go out again immediately. I said I was Elena but I wouldn't even think of going again. He was quite unfriendly to me. He likes you, Tari."

'I know,' Tarja thought with a grin. She had felt it already as his hardness had pressed against her stomach ...

A little later, Tarja entered room 137 again. "It's me," she said and her heart melted as Tuomas smiled.

"Tarja ..."

"I'm here," Tarja said and approached him, embraced him, kissed him.

Tuomas tongue found hers and they danced. Tarja sighed happily as her fingers roamed through his hair.

"Hi," she whispered after pulling back. "I'll spend as much time as possible with you tonight."

"Good," Tuomas said and kissed her nose. "Did you bring a book?"

"Of course I did," Tarja said. "Where did we stop last?"

Tarja had fallen asleep in his arms while reading to him. Her voice had slowly faded and then she had fallen asleep at last, her head had fallen on his shoulder and now she was breathing slowly and steadily.

Tuomas couldn't sleep though.

The love for this woman was too strong, it almost killed him, the tugging of his heart told him that she could have something so much better. A man with the ability to see!

Tuomas sighed and hugged the tiny woman in his arms tighter - he thanked God for putting her into his life. She made him not care about his destiny, even though he worried about their future.

Tarja woke up by the sound of her beeper. She got up, kissed Tuomas' forehead and while she tumbled out of the room, Tuomas mumbled after her, "Will you come back?"

"Of course," Tarja promised. "Of course I'll come back."

Tarja had returned at two in the morning, Tuomas had been fast asleep. She had cuddled herself against his warm body and inhaled his scent, knowing that she would stay with him as long as he wanted her to stay. And if it meant forever, she could only be happy.

The next day was quite stressful. Tarja had to get up at five already, preparing beds and the medicine for the patients.

As she checked her duty card, she felt a wave of sadness that she wasn't the nurse to feed Tuomas today.

She returned at ten, greeting the elder man with a kiss.

"Slept well?" she asked gently and Tuomas pulled her close. "Once you're my personal nurse, Tarja," he started, "will you stay with me the whole night?"

Tarja blushed. "Yes, of course," she then answered. "I won't go from your side, I promise."

They kissed again, gentle and loving.

"Have you already resigned?" Tuomas asked and Tarja sighed.

"No, darling. If you won't have your sight back until next Friday, I will resign immediately. I'm still afraid that you'll get it back, what I'm hoping for, but then I won't have a job anymore."

"All right," Tuomas answered and took her hands. "Let's talk about your salary ... What do you get paid now?"

A few minutes later, Tarja left the room with glowing cheeks. They had shared a passionate kiss, more passionate than their kiss in the bathtub.

'This man,' Tarja thought. He had really promised her a higher salary than she was getting now.

The week passed by quickly. Tarja spent as much time with Tuomas as possible, and when Kirsti came to visit her son again, they told her the happy news that they were together now. Kirsti was indeed happy for her son and the nurse, especially when she saw with how much care and love the young nurse looked at her patient. She stroke the hair out of his face and Tuomas smiled at his girlfriend, who pressed a sweet kiss on her boyfriend's lips.

Yes, they had definitely found each other. While Tarja had to check on another patient, Kirsti approached her son carefully. "She's wondeful, Tuo," she said. "No doubt. But what if you get your sight back and you don't like her looks?"

"Mother," Tuomas said calmly. "Is she uglier than Laura?"

Kirsti laughed. Laura had been Tuomas girlfriend in high school and the thing was that - Laura hadn't been very pretty back then but she had been nice and smart. Tuomas had never been in love with her but he had liked her a lot. They had been together for a year. And after a few months she hadn't looked that ugly anymore, especially after their first time she had changed her looks a bit.

"No, she's definitely prettier." Kirsti now said and Tuomas shrugged.

"Even if she wasn't, Mum, I wouldn't care. I love her from the bottom of my heart and that won't change, I would even love her if she had three arms and two heads."

"You're crazy," Kirsti now said and stroke her son's head. "I hope she appreciates how lucky she is."

Tuomas told his mother about the salary he wanted to give Tarja a little later but other than Tarja, Kirsti acted a little uncomfortable. "Do you really want to pay your girlfriend?" she asked and Tuomas shrugged.

"For a while, yeah why not? She doesn't have to pay for rent since she'll live with me -"

"Oh sweetie ... Don't you think she could spoil you a little?"

Tuomas stared at his mother, hoping he was glaring at her even without his sight. "Spoil? Mother, she's the woman I love. Maybe she's the woman I'm going to marry!"

"But you can't even see her -"

"I can't see you either," Tuomas said icily. "You're my mother anyway. She'll be my wife anyway. Our baby will be ours anyway."

Kirsti eyed her son sadly.

"All right," she said softly. "I just hope for you that she loves you as much as you love her."

"So do I," Tuomas sighed.

Tarja entered his room at half past six and Tuomas sighed.

"I have a question, Miss Okkoinen," he said. "Nothing against you, but can Miss Turunen wash me again? It's just, she's way more talkative, gentle -"

Tarja silenced him with a kiss. Tuomas immediately slung his arms around her and welcomed her tongue inside his mouth, but after pulling back, he grinned at her mischievously. "I'm very sorry, Miss, but my heart belongs to Tarja."

"Shut up and take a shower with me," Tarja whispered and pecked his lips before she pulled him up.

* * *

The water was falling down on Tuomas back while her legs clenched around his neck. Her back was pressed against the wall and she desperately tried to hold back a scream, which was hard with his tongue so deep inside her.

"Tuomas," she gasped and clenched his wet hair. She was sitting on his shoulders while his face was buried between her thighs. He made love to her with all his passion while Tarja didn't quite know what to do. It was the first time she was feeling something like this, she was somewhere between lust and doubt. He was blind, he was her patient, they were together for only a week now. Was she a slut? But oh, he really licked everything he could reach and he seemed to enjoy it.

Tarja collapsed as everything got too much for her, she slid off his body and hugged him.

"Didn't you like it?" Tuomas asked and Tarja felt that his hand was looking for her genitals once again.

"I did very - like it!" Tarja breathed as his fingers continued taking her. In and out he let them slide, squeezed her clit, caressed it, pulled on it.

"It hurts," Tarja said quietly, but she parted her legs. "Gosh it feels good ..."

"A good kind of pain?" Tuomas asked and inserted a third finger.

"Y - yes," Tarja breathed. "A pain I want to feel again ... and again, and again ..."

"I could make you feel an incredible pain," Tuomas whispered. "The pain of losing your virginity, believe me, it's the best pain you will ever feel ..."

Tarja looked down on his hard manhood and her eyes widened in angst. He was so large. Hell, this would really hurt.

"If you don't want to ..." Tuomas said and Tarja swallowed.

"Sorry ... But not now ... I'm not ready ..."

"It's okay," Tuomas said and grabbed her waist. He pushed her back and Tarja, who got the hint, lay back inside the bathtub, while Tuomas continued with what he had been doing. He parted her labia and inserted his fingers again. While he was looking for her one spot with his fingers, his tongue was flickering over the other. He gently sucked on her clit, licked over it, bit down carefully, sucked again.

Tarja was touching herself as well. She couldn't help it, but it felt so good!

She was squeezing her breasts, playing with her own nipples, wishing that his hands would do this as well. She grabbed them and pulled them up, making him grasp her tits.

Tuomas replaced his hand with his mouth inside her slit and moaned into her pussy while he kneaded her breasts. The vibrating inside herself made her gasp loudly and she parted her legs as wide as she could.

"Oh God," she whispered. "You're so good ..."

"I know," Tuomas chuckled as good as possible with his tongue widely inside her. "You taste so good ..."

"Glad," Tarja breathed. "Tuomas, I've never come before but I think I'm -"

"You're close," Tuomas mumbled and pulled his hands away to touch himself. He was so hard, it almost hurt. Her walls were tight around him and he sucked her clit again before he put his hands around his manhood, starting to move his hands up and down.

She came with a scream muffled by her own hands she was pressing on her mouth.

Tuomas licked her juices away while he pumped faster, and after Tarja had recovered from her very first orgasm, she crawled towards him. "Lemme help you," she mumbled and pushed him back. His back hit the tub and Tarja took him inside her mouth.

She knew she wouldn't do this normally, but the previous orgasm was still present, so she was still bathing in her lust - literally. She wiped her juices away and reached up, Tuomas really opened his mouth as she touched his lips and took her wet fingers into his mouth.

Tarja moved her head up and down, wondering if she was doing it right, but Tuomas didn't complain.

He came after only a minute, and she spat out his semen. She couldn't bring herself to swallow it, but she knew he wouldn't mind. Besides that - he hadn't seen it anyway.

"I love you, I love you so much," Tuomas mumbled and Tarja hugged him. Their naked bodies tightly against each other they remained, the warm water falling on their skin.

"One more week and we can do this loudly," Tarja mumbled. "And everyday. And more proper. And in a bed."

"I love you so very much," Tuomas repeated.

* * *

"I have a boyfriend," Tarja announced on Sunday, right next to her parents and grandparents. Everyone reacted the way she had thought - her grandmother let her fork crash on her plate and jumped up to hug her granddaughter excitedly. Her grandfather raised a brow at her, but grinned. Her father stared at her in shock and her mother shook her head, asking her daughter why she hadn't brought him.

"He's ... He's still at the hospital."

For a short time it was quiet and Tarja got worried, but then her mother smiled.

"Is he a nurse or a doctor?"

"Nurse? Oh, Marjatta it's called male nurse if you're correct", Paula Turunen corrected her daughter in law. "And I'm sure he's a doctor." She winked at the blushing girl. "Just go inside the hospital and ask for a doctor with long hair."

"Stop it, granny, he's -"

"Doesn't he have long hair?" Paula chuckled and the young woman groaned.

"He does, but -"

"Oh, Tarja," Marjatta whined. "I told you once, those metalheads are bad boyfriends. Look at you father, does he have long hair?"

"Mum -" Tarja started, but Teuvo interrupted her.

"What's his name?"

"Tuomas, but -"

"Tuomas how?"

"Why, do you want to hurt him?" Tarja asked with tears in her eyes.

"I can't believe it, I hope you didn't have sex yet!" Teuvo barked and Tarja's shoulders fell. Her father and his stupid religion ...

"We haven't," she said coldly and showed him her ring. "See? Still wearing that stupid thing."

"Oh, Marjatta." Paula sighed. "Teuvo. I told you that you shouldn't force her to do that."

"Tarja will stay a virgin until her wedding night," Marjatta now said. "She agreed on that."

Tarja looked at her grandparents, silently screaming for help. But they looked back at her helplessly.

Tarja groaned and stood up. "Thanks for the food," she mumbled and went outside.

She was sitting in front of her grandmother's house, smoking a cigarette.

She didn't smoke, but she had seen her mothers package and had suddenly wanted revenge - even if it was something stupid like that.

The door went open and her grandmother sat down next to her, taking the cigarette from her.

"Hey," Tarja mumbled, secretly happy. It had tasted awful.

"Last time I saw you, you didn't wear that ring," Paula chuckled and Tarja smiled at the elder woman.

"I only wear it when my parents are around," she admitted. "Tuomas and I ... We're intimate."

"Well, I thought so," Paula laughed and nudged the young woman's arm. "Congrats, kiddo. I'm so happy for you. Now tell me about your doctor."

Tarja sighed, but then she told her grandmother everything.

That he was her patient, that he was blind, that there was only a little chance that he'd get his sight back. That she would live with him in a week. That she loved him with her whole heart, that she had never felt like this before, that he had fallen in love with her character, that he still had no idea how she looked, besides her hair colour and other stuff. And also that his mother liked her.

* * *

Tarja told Tuomas about her parent's reaction the day after.

Tuomas touched her hands and searched for said chastity ring, but Tarja told him that she wasn't wearing it. "Only when my parents are around," she said. "Being a virgin because I wasn't ready before is one thing, but being one because I promised my father to live in chastity before I would marry ... No thanks."

Tarja shuddered.

But Tuomas put his hand on her cheek. "Then marry me," he said gently.

"What?" Tarja asked shocked.

"Marry me, please."

"No ... Sorry, Tuomas, but that's too early ... I - I can't -" Tarja swallowed.

"But you love me and I love you," Tuomas said. "Look, Tarja - I will never have another girlfriend again, besides that I don't want another one than you. I know I want to marry you, but if you don't want to -"

Tarja could hear the hurt in his voice, though his face looked calm. "Tuo ..." she mumbled and hugged him. "I'm about to turn twenty-one soon. I'm still too young to marry ..."

"Why do you consider yourself too young to marry? You're acting more adult than my students who are the same age as you," Tuomas said. "It doesn't matter, we love each other -"

"You ... You don't know how I look!" Tarja suddenly shouted. "What if you - what if you suddenly get your sight back and look at me and - and - I don't want to get divorced okay? Let's just stay together as boyfriend and girlfriend, that'll make it easier to part later ..."

Tarja had started sobbing and now she pushed herself back from Tuomas. "You - you say you love me, you say you don't care about how I look but - see, I'm really doubting myself ..."

Tuomas didn't reply and Tarja sobbed harder.

"Tuomas ..."

Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Tuo," Tarja mumbled and reached out to wipe his tears away. "D - don't cry ..."

"Then stop crying, please," Tuomas said hoarsely.

"I - I did," Tarja mumbled and quickly wiped her tears away. "I stopped."

Tuomas pulled her close. "Why don't you believe me when I say I love you because of the way you are? I told you so often already and it won't change. But if you don't want to marry me, okay. I accept that."

"Oh, Tuomas ..." Tarja said carefully but as she tried to kiss him, he pushed her away gently.

"I'm upset," he mumbled. "Could you leave?"

Tarja stared at him in shock but turned around and fled out of the room, her hand pressed on her mouth.

As the door crashed close, she let the tears flow. She almost ran into Elena, who immediately embraced her and led her into an empty room.

"T - Tuomas - Tuomas," Tarja sobbed, "He proposed ..."

"What?!" Elena said and grabbed the younger woman's shoulders. "He did WHAT? No, he didn't!"

Tarja nodded. "He - he did ... He asked me to marry him and I -"

"You said yes?!" Elena gasped and shook Tarja, who continued,

"No ... I said no ..."

"But you love him and he loves you as well, where's the problem?" Elena asked, feeling the sudden urge to slap her young friend.

"I'm ... I'm afraid he won't like my looks," Tarja mumbled and Elena shook her head.

Tarja was afraid to enter his room for the rest of the day and went home in the evening with reddened and swollen eyes.

She didn't sleep well and Tuomas didn't either.

And the next day, Tarja went straight to his room.

"I got bullied," she said without waiting for him to say something. "In middle school. I got bullied because I was small, I had no curves, I had those unusual high and strong cheeks and light blonde hair. I hated my looks. Nothing has changed."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Tuomas said and opened his arms. "Come here, let's talk."

Tarja threw herself into his arms and Tuomas patted her head.

"I never had a boyfriend before, I wasn't allowed to. I had some affairs while going out, shared some kisses but they only wanted sex ... This stupid chastity ring didn't let me. And my unsureness got bigger and bigger ..."

"I won't ask you again," he mumbled unto her hair. "Okay?"

"Thanks," Tarja mumbled and sighed against his chest.

She couldn't hear his heart break. He loved her so much, but how could he show her?

* * *

He probably showed her more than anything on Saturday evening, after his mother had driven them to Tuomas' apartment.

It was quite a big apartment, Tarja found out, big enough for the two of them and maybe even one child ...

Tuomas showed Tarja around as good as he could, bumping into the wall and against a chair or the couch several times.

"You need a walking stick," Tarja said gently and patted his shoulder. "I'm going to get you one."

"What about a dog?" Tuomas asked hopefully and Tarja smiled.

"I'll see what I can do, okay?"

She turned to Kirsti. "Thank you so much for driving us."

"And thanks for cleaning my home," Tuomas added and Kirsti laughed.

"No problem, really. Welcome home, Tarja."

Tarja smiled at her boyfriend's mother thankfully, before said boyfriend led her to the next room.

"This should be our bedroom. Is it a bedroom?"

Tarja laughed. "It is a bedroom, honey. A beautiful bedroom." 'I can't wait to share my first time here ... With you. Of course.'

"I'll show you the bathroom," Tuomas said and started pulling her with him carefully.

"You'll do that," Kirsti said and winked at Tarja. "I hope you can cook."

Tarja swallowed, but then she smiled at the blonde woman. "We'll do that, am I right, Tuo?"

"Totally," Tuomas said, a second before he ran into the wall.

Kirsti sighed while she watched Tarja asking him if he was alright, then she checked his forehead, before she kissed his cheek.

They were cute, but Kirsti wondered if they were good for each other.

A while later, they were walking to the closest restaurant. "I will learn how to cook, I promise," Tarja said and squeezed his hand. "Please just don't tell your mother ..."

Tuomas laughed. "I won't tell her, Love. Besides that, we still need an official first date, in my opinion the bathtub doesn't count."

Tarja giggled. Tuomas was wearing sunglasses, which looked really badass, but both knew it wasn't because he wanted to look cool.

Inside the restaurant, Tarja read the menu card to him, and when the waiter came, Tuomas ordered two glasses of champagne for them. Tarja blushed a little, she had never had a real date before, and then she ordered what they had decided for.

The champagne arrived and Tarja and Tuomas let their glasses clink carefully, Tarja guiding Tuomas' hand with her words.

Nothing changed while they were eating, Tarja was busy with telling him where to put the fork, while Tuomas just felt helpless.

Her soft "More to the left ... Exactly there, now you can eat ... No, that part of the plate is empty, wait, I'll help you," made some people look at them, but Tarja ignored them. "You're doing great," she said after they had finished their meals, felt hours after they had started to eat. Tarja reached over the table and took his hand. Tuomas' look was soft and calm, and he smiled at her as he felt her skin on his.

"I love you," he said. "You know that, right?"

"I know," Tarja replied happily. "I love you too."

* * *

For weeks it went on like this. Tarja would go to work while Kirsti had her eyes on Tuomas. Tarja had already quit the job, one more week and she could end that Tuomas-less hell. Mostly she was too done with nerves when she came home in the evening, and always fell asleep on the couch in Tuomas' arms. He always had to wake her up when he wanted to go to bed, he didn't feel able to carry her. He would probably run against something and hurt her.

After three weeks of living together, Tarja could officially start her job as Tuomas' private nurse. Tarja's colleagues, or better said ex-colleagues, had kind of bullied her in the last weeks, she always got the grossest and eldest and most unfriendly patients. Tarja had sometimes hidden herself in the nurse's room to cry.

Only Elena had still been nice to her, but not even Elena had tried to do something against her bullies. "It's over soon," she had said in Tarja's last week. She had hugged the crying black haired and had weighed her back and forth. "Soon you'll be with your love."

* * *

And finally she was. With a sigh she cuddled herself into her man's soft body and sniffed on his shirt. "You smell so good," she mumbled and Tuomas smiled.

"So do you ... But in front of all you taste good. Everything of you ..."

Tarja laughed quietly and kissed his lips.

They had been intimate for a few times during those weeks, but they still hadn't slept with each other.

She kind of panicked as his hands pulled her shirt off and started looking for the clasp of her bra. "Tuo ..."

"Yes, sweetheart?" Tuomas asked and let the bra snap open. He pulled it away and it landed on the floor, before he peeled off his own shirt. Tarja sat down on his lap and kissed his naked chest.

"I'm ready," she said, but before he could do something, she grabbed his wrists. "But," she started. "I feel so uncomfortable with letting you make love to me while you can't see anything. I feel as if I'd take advantage of you."

"What?" Tuomas laughed and trailed his fingers over her stiffened nipples. "I've felt you and I've tasted you, my queen, now it's time to feel myself inside of you."

"But ..." Tarja wanted to answer back, as he put his hand on her mouth.

"Is your problem that I don't see you?" he asked gently and Tarja nodded.

"Quite," she sighed. "You wouldn't see me at all, you'd only -"

"Wait here," Tuomas suddenly said and left the bed, grabbing his walking stick. "I'll soon be back, wait for me."

"Of course, do you think I'd run away?" Tarja giggled and watched him leave the room with a chuckle. Where was he going?

She just remained on the bed and when Tuomas came back a few minutes later he was wearing a blue scarf in his hands. "Is this a blue scarf?" Tuomas asked.

"Yes," Tarja said. "You could have asked me to get it as well."

"Doesn't matter now," Tuomas said and crawled onto the bed again. "Tarja ... Would you love me if the roles where exchanged? If you were blind and I was your nurse?"

Tarja bit her lip. "I don't know, Tuomas. I think I would have fallen in love with you, but I would have been too shy to do something ..."

"You took the first step, remember?" Tuomas said gently. "You got into the tub with me naked, you told me to touch you, you kissed me first. Could you please cover your eyes with the scarf?"

Tarja obliged, knowing what he was up to. "You don't want to have sex with me like this, or do you?" she asked and Tuomas grinned, even though Tarja couldn't see it anymore. He pushed her on the bed and then he sat down next to her.

"My name is Tuomas Holopainen," he said, "and I'll be your nurse for the next weeks here. Ask for me if you need something."

Tarja inhaled sharply. His voice sounded so different suddenly. So ... So deep. And so smooth ... So sultry ...

"Your voice," she whispered and Tuomas chuckled.

"See what we pay attention to, even without our ability to see? I first fell in love with your voice, but I think you knew that ... Sweet Tarja."

Tarja smiled and suddenly his hand was on her cheek.

"I'm going to put eye drops inside your eyes now," he said, somewhere close to her ear.

Tarja had goosebumps all over her body.

Finally she understood how Tuomas had fallen in love with her. It was so easy. His touch, his voice next to her ear - all of this made her long for him more than ever.

"How do you feel?" he breathed into her ear.

"Aroused," Tarja whispered back.

"Now you know how I felt, every time you touched me," Tuomas whispered and bit her earlobe gently. "You're aroused?"

"Very ... I'm already wet ..." Tarja moaned quietly and blindly reached down to touch herself. "Gosh," she said and opened her jeans. "Help me getting undressed, Tuo ..."

"I can't see anything either," Tuomas mumbled, but he fumbled with the button until the jeans were open. He pulled the jeans off her and touched her hips. "Are you wearing my favourite thong?" he chuckled.

"I don't know, I'm blind," Tarja said and gasped when the next thing she felt was his warm breath against her private parts.

She was even wetter than she had been before, she parted her legs widely, knowing she really didn't have to be ashamed for anything. He couldn't see her anyway, and this time she couldn't see herself either. He drank from her to show her how much he loved her, before he covered her body with his. "Remember when you did this?" he whispered and trailed his index finger along her eyebrow.

"Yeah ..." Tarja breathed and Tuomas inserted his thumb into her slit.

"I just wanted to do this back then ... And this ..." He kissed her and pulled his thumb out of her, grazing her clit with it.

"Oh god ... Everything feels so more intense without seeing anything," Tarja breathed and hugged him. "Take me, Tuomas. Please. Make me yours."

Tuomas kissed her again, before he got out of his jeans. "I have condoms somewhere," he said and stretched his arm to reach the nightstand. "Tarja ..."

"Should I get them?"

"No, wait," he said. "Don't peek." He had finally reached the drawer and pulled it open. He took one of the packages, feeling it. "Those feel right," he mumbled.

"May I?" Tarja asked and took them from him, also feeling them. "I'll do that," she mumbled and opened the package.

"Without seeing something?" Tuomas asked. "Let me, Love."

He took the rubber from her and put it on his hard manhood, rolling it down. "Feels right," he said again. "Don't peek."

"I didn't and I won't," Tarja said and reached down to feel his covered erection. She smiled and crawled closer, she got on her knees and embraced him, brought her legs around him and sat down on him.

She soon noticed that it was harder than she had imagined, he was inside her, but not fully.

Without a word, Tuomas took her thighs and laid her back on the bed, and with one hard push he had buried himself inside her.

Tarja gasped and started sobbing as the pain of losing her virginity took over.

"I'm sorry," Tuomas whispered, sounding really sorry.

"Don't be," Tarja sobbed and smiled. "It's - it's over again. Sorry."

Tuomas kissed his girlfriend and grabbed her waist, starting to move against her slowly. "Is this okay?"

"Very," Tarja whispered and tightened her hug around him.

It was simply amazing.

All she could feel were his pushes, his quick breaths on her skin, his hands everywhere on her naked body.

It was unnecessary to close her eyes, but Tarja closed them anyway, and so did Tuomas.

"Love me," Tarja breathed over and over. "Take me. Have me."

Tuomas moved against her, panting, breathing, moaning. The sounds of their lovemaking was floating through the room, and only hearing it was even more arousing - even though they both wished that Tuomas would be able to see again. They both wished for nothing more.

Tarja screamed out his name when she got closer to the peak, desperately clenching his shoulder blades. "Tu - Tuo - TUO -!"

"Let go, baby, I'll be following," Tuomas moaned into her ear and bit her earlobe, which made Tarja scream out with lust.

And she let go. Her legs went loose and they fell on the bed, the spasms went through her body. It felt even more incredible without being able to see something.

Tuomas felt her walls grow yight around him and with one last push he came as well, burying his face in the nape of her neck. He moaned her name into her hair, followed by some "I love you"s. After the feeling had gone away, Tuomas stayed inside and on her for a few seconds, before he held the edge of the condom and pulled out of her.

The afterglow was amazing. Tarja laid there, her eyes still closed and covered with the scarf, her limbs were still loose and her heart was still racing.

"Are you dead, Love?" Tuomas asked worried as he didn't hear a single word, and Tarja smiled.

"I think so, yeah. I think I'm in heaven," Tarja whispered and Tuomas chuckled.

"So you're home, my angel," he mumbled and Tarja pulled him down.

"Aw, what a charmer," Tarja giggled and kissed what she met without being able to see - what happened to be his chin.

They bursted into laughter before they tried again and this time she met his lips. They kissed for a while, until Tuomas announced that he had to throw the condom away.

"Go, ruin the moment," Tarja giggled and kissed him again. "I'll wait for you."

"Of course you will," Tuomas whispered and grinned.

* * *

From now on the scarf only left Tarja's face when she was cooking, going outside, or when someone announced their visit. But when she was alone with Tuomas, she was wearing the scarf, while Tuomas was guiding both of them when they went somewhere else in the room, which was both an exercise for Tuomas and a sign of confidence from Tarja.

Two months had gone over when Tuomas noticed the return of his sight for the first time.

It was after Tarja had put the eye drops into his eyes. He blinked - and suddenly saw blurred outlines of his beloved ...

He grabbed her wrist, but when he blinked again, the outlines were gone.

"Tuo?" Tarja asked gently. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course," he answered and let go of her wrist.

From that time on, it slowly got better. Every time he closed his eyes and let them rest for a while, he saw something whenever he opened his eyes again. Whatever he saw was blurred, but he tried to see as much as possible of Tarja whenever he had the chance to.

For weeks he trained his eyes without telling Tarja, he was too afriad of losing his sight again.

But one day, about a month after he had started training his eyes, he woke up and he was able to see again.

Nothing was blurred anymore.

Tuomas stared at the ceiling, not able to believe that he had been blind for half a year.

He could feel his heartbeat in his throat when he turned his head and laid his eyes on the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

His breath got caught in his lungs.

Her face was soft and she smiled happily while slumbering peacefully.

She was tiny and slim, but so beautiful.

Her hair was black and soft and it reached until her waist. She had a small, cute nose and long, dark lashes. Her eyebrows were light, hinting that she was a natural blonde and Tuomas smiled happily as he noticed her sharp cheekbones and jawline he had already felt so often before. But what made his heart beat even faster were her lips - he knew that he had never seen such lips before. They were well formed. Full. Rosy.

Tuomas knew that he was in love and would stay in love with this perfect woman.

He carefully peeked under the blanket (they had made love last night) and smiled.

She looked exactly the way he had imagined her every time he had touched her.

He pulled her close and kissed her, thanking God and destiny for putting this amazing woman into his life.

He didn't tell her immediately, within a few minutes while she was still sleeping, he had created a plan of how he would tell her.

He always avoided her eyes when she wasn't wearing the scarf that day, afraid that she'd notice that he was able to see again. But whenever he was able to, he observed her eyes. Her eyes were soft and they were so beautifully green, Tuomas felt his heart stop for a second every time he looked at her.

"You're so silent today," Tarja said while they were cuddling on the couch. "Are you okay?"

"I'm wondering," Tuomas started, "if you'd marry me one day, even if I will never be able to see again."

"Oh, Tuo," Tarja sighed. "Of course I will marry you one day ..."

"Then why don't you want to marry me rather sooner than later?"

"Because I still have hope that your eyesight will return," Tarja answered.

"But what if it won't return?" Tuomas asked. "Would you marry me anyway?"

"If it works the way we're having it right now, sure," Tarja laughed and reached up to caress his cheek. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to ask you to marry me again, but now I can forget it," Tuomas answered and chuckled as Tarja didn't answer. "I know you're here, baby, I can hear you breathe." 'And I can see your beautiful, angelic, marvellous face ...'

"Damn," Tarja sighed and buried her face in his shirt. "Let's not talk about that ..."

"Okay," Tuomas said gently and kissed her forehead.

* * *

He was still able to see the day after, and when Tarja announced that she would drive grocery shopping.

"Okay," Tuomas said. "I'll wait here."

"I'll put some music on, what do you want to hear?"

"One of your Muse CDs," Tuomas answered and grinned at Tarja's blush. She was so adorable.

Tarja put in her favourite band's first album, Showbiz, and then she kissed Tuomas before she went out of the apartment.

And Tuomas couldn't help it but turn around and check out her backside as she walked out. Even her ass was kind of tiny. But still she was quite curvy - how did that even work?

As soon as Tarja was far enough away, Tuomas grabbed his phone and dialled his mother's number.

"Mum? Don't freak out, just do me a favour."

A few minutes later, Kirsti Holopainen burst into her son's home, her eyes full of tears. She pulled her son into a tight hug.

"You can see again? You really have your sight back?"

Tuomas laughed. "Can't you see it?" he asked and nodded, before he went to the radio and decreased the volume a little. "Yesterday morning I suddenly noticed it."

"And you didn't tell Tarja yet? Why didn't you?"

"Because I want to ask her to marry me," Tuomas said softly and Kirsti fell back on the couch. "This time properly," he added with a small blush. "And since I can't leave the house without her noticing, you need to get the ring. I have an imagination of how it should look like."

"You're so romantic, Tuo," Kirsti sighed. "I still wonder where you have that from. Okay, tell me how it should look, give me your credit card, and I'll see what I can do for you."

Half an hour later, Tarja returned. She put everything into the fridge before she entered the living room.

"Sorry that it lasted so long," she said gently. "I know I'm usually faster ..."

"It's okay, love," Tuomas said and embraced her.

"Did something happen?" Tarja asked and pushed him back gently. "You sound so sad ..."

"Everything's all right," Tuomas sighed, but truth was, it wasn't. His mother still hadn't returned and he wondered if she maybe couldn't find the ring of his imagination ...

* * *

Kirsti also didn't return the other day.

Tuomas started to worry after a while, and a small voice inside his head told him that she had had an accident or got kidnapped, what was ridiculous. But even more ridiculous was the other voice inside his head, which told him that she had stolen his credit card and now her father and her were making themselves a nice day in the spa.

All his worries vanished though, when his mother called.

"Kirsti!" Tarja answered in surprise and Tuomas straightened his back. "Of course, wait."

Tarja took Tuomas' hand, put the phone into it and then lifted it to his ear.

"Mum?" Tuomas answered.

"Tuomas," Kirsti said quietly while Tarja went to the kitchen. "I'm in Tampere."

"Tampere?" Tuomas laughed. "What are you doing in Tampere?"

"I've found your ring."

"Oh, thank god," Tuomas chuckled. "Didn't you find anything in Helsinki?"

"Whether in Helsinki nor in Lahti nor in Turku," Kirsti answered. "Now I'm at a jewellery store called Jalokivettin ... The ring isn't cheap though." She told Tuomas the price and Tuomas bit his lip. "But darling, it's exactly the way you described it to me, the stone has exactly the colour of her eyes."

"Okay."

"Buy it?" Kirsti asked. "She will say yes anyway, so -"

"Yes, mother," Tuomas said. "Thank you so much, I owe you. Love you."

He gave the phone back to Tarja, or better said, he held it out to her, pretending not to know that Tarja was in the kitchen. "Tarja?"

Tarja left the kitchen. "Are you done?" she asked and took the phone from him. "Why is your mother in Tampere?"

"Long story," Tuomas said with a small, satisfied grin.

* * *

The ring was perfect indeed. It was thin and silver, just as he had imagined it, and it had a small, emerald green stone on it. The colours were exactly those of his beloved's eyes. It even had some engravings left and right of the stone, a few lines which symbolised some waves turning into tiny hearts.

Tuomas sat on the bed two days later, looking at the ring in awe. Kirsti had it brought in a small, red satin box and the satin box had been inside of a bag of clothes.

Kirsti had told Tarja to try the clothes because she was currently clearing out old clothes. While Tarja had squeezed herself into a black, quite tight dress, Tuomas had almost started drooling while she had tried to get in. But then he had remembered what was on the ground of the bag ...

He reached down and found the box, quickly hiding it beneath his pillow.

"That one is too tight," Tarja now groaned. "You mother really has a thinner waist than I do, how is that even possible?"

Tuomas couldn't believe his eyes when she pulled out the next dress.

"Ehm - Tuo?" Tarja asked lowly. "I think your mother wants to give me her old wedding dress ..."

Tuomas knew it, he could see it. And it was her wedding dress, without a doubt. Tuomas shrugged. "Try it on."

"Okay," Tarja muttered.

Tuomas stopped breathing once she had slipped into the dress. "Wow," she said. "It fits ..."

She turned around, observing her backside in the mirror.

It was a short wedding dress, it reached only until her knees.

It had thin sleeves and was quite easy, but it was stunning.

"You look beautiful," Tuomas said and Tarja smiled.

"Thank -"

And she went quiet.

She turned her head and stared at Tuomas, who was grinning at her mischievously.

"You -"

"Honestly," Tuomas said gently. "But one thing is missing." He pulled the satin box from beneath his pillow.

"You see me?" Tarja whispered, not quite paying attention to the satin box.

"I got my sight back four days ago," Tuomas said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tarja asked. "You should have told me immediately!"

"I wanted to," Tuomas said. "But then I had an idea how I could show you that I love you more than words can say." He held out the satin box.

Finally she saw the box and gasped, but before she could say something, Tuomas had fallen on his knees.

"I know you think I only fell in love you because there was no chance of loving another woman again," he started. "Partly you're right, Tarja. There's no chance of loving another woman, because you're the only woman I want to have forever. I didn't fall in love with you because you took care of me, I fell in love with you because I felt the chemistry from the first time I heard your voice. I knew I loved you when you touched me. I knew I wanted to marry you from the first time we kissed. I showed you how I felt that night we made love for the first time, do you remember?" Tarja nodded, her eyes full of tears. Tuomas smiled up to her, his gray-blue eyes shining with love. "And then I woke up four days ago and my eyesight was fully back ... And Tarja. The love I feel for you hit me hard and almost knocked me out ... You're so stunningly beautiful, I have problems to breathe right now. I told you so many times, but finally I can tell you with the result of you - hopefully - believing me. Tarja Soile Susanna Turunen, you're the most beautiful woman alive, in my eyes you're an angel. And you're as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. I love you so much, baby, I can't even tell you how much I love you ..." He was crying by now and so was she. "I would do everything for you, sweetheart, believe me ... Please be mine." He let the box snap open and Tarja tumbled back, her hand pressed on her chest. "Please my love, please marry me ..."

* * *

Her breaths got slower and after he had pulled out of her, he placed himself on top of her.

"How are you feeling?"

"How are you feeling?" she breathed. "Our first time with your eyesight back."

"Our first time as an engaged couple," Tuomas whispered and took her hand. The ring fitted perfectly and the stone was shimmering in the light of the sunset.

"Oh, Tuomas," Tarja sighed and kissed him gently. "How did I deserve someone like you?"

"Shhh," Tuomas mumbled and kissed her back. "I want to enjoy this moment ..."

Tarja smiled and closed her eyes while Tuomas was ravishing every single part of her exposed body.

She didn't feel ashamed, she knew he loved her. And he did, oh, how he did.

But still, she couldn't believe that she had found a man who didn't care about looks, a man who only cared about the character of another human.

But he was right.

Only the insides of a person are important - that and nothing else matters.


End file.
